Breathe. Just breathe.

I have a lot of uni work to do due right after I get back from Melbourne.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I can do this. I can do this.

Stress is not going to get you anywhere, it will just make it harder to concentrate.

You said it Adorablaine.

~ Lois

Mamas

Today, because it is mother’s day, I called Mum from the confectionary aisle at Coles because Lindt was half price and did she know and did she want me to buy her a box and give it to her later?

Then I asked her what vegetables she uses for vegetarian lasagne.

Then I called her later to ask if she pre-cooks her pasta sheets.

Then I got halfway through cooking and called her to check if you go filling-pasta-sauce-filling-pasta-sauce-cheese, or filling-sauce-pasta, or filling-pasta-filling-pasta-sauce-cheese.

I don’t get the huge fuss about mother’s day (or father’s day) but if you look at it as Badass Lady Day, its much more fun.

Mum is obviously a badass lady because she taught me how to make cheese sauce and a million other things, and we have hilarious text conversations like when I had to phone her back the other week as we ran up the street to make it to Tripod on time after eating our pasta in five minutes:

Me: Oh god we ran up the road on creamy pasta belly and its delayed by half an hour. Whyyyy life

Mum: Don’t vom. Would be such a waste.

My nan was a badass lady who kept an art box at her house for when I came over, she taught me how to paint and draw and gave me countless art books. When I saw her in hospital a couple of weeks before she died she was outlining the online course she was going to run as soon as she got out of hospital. She feigned interest in stories about my boyfriends when I was a teenager but genuinely liked Levi. Also she seemed to have about six hundred uni degrees. And I’m sure she isn’t mad that I stole a teapot and teacup and Jamie Oliver cookbook and a Scrabble board and my favourite magnet from her house before Tara moved in.

My grandma is a badass lady who lets me come over and spend all day going “I CAN’T DO IT” when she teaches me how to sew (but obviously I prevailed with that dress that took me two and a half years to finish, even though Mum had to help in the end), and gives me containers of leftover roast potatoes after family lunches, and gave me my Hushmatic sewing machine and got me a job in Perth and makes all of her grandchildren think they are the favourite, which is the best thing you can do as a grandma.

Even though they are not mamas, all of my ladyfriends are badasses and I can’t name all of their individual good traits but they all make me laugh and let me whine and give me food.

I also have a bunch of aunties who take me shopping for stainless steel cookware and give me travel advice and phone me because I’m having crises about uni and let me sleep on their couch and are generally excellent.

WELL JOB EVERYONE.

WELL JOB.

This guy.

Dear Emmanuel

I thought I should introduce you guys to a nice game we started playing called Dear Emmanuel. One day, Chris mentioned that World Vision or whomever sent him a colouring book to send to his sponsor child (Emmanuel) and it had three lines for him to write a message in the front. The whole crux of the conversation was “What do you write to an 8 year old in *insert city I forget*?”, but we started throwing around “ideas” and the whole game was born. I’m pretty sure Chris said something like “What can I even say? ‘Dear Emmanuel. My girlfriend hasn’t replied to my text and its been like three hours!'” and now its a fun new variation on #whitepeopleproblems. Of course, sometimes someone will do a reply from Emmanuel which makes it even more obvious how ridiculous we’re being. A fun example from this week:

Dear Emmanuel. There was no cheese on special at Coles this week! Can you believe I had to pay $9 for a kilo of cheese?

Dear Emily, what is cheese?

I mean REALLY. I don’t have any reason to complain that my work are being dicks or my new job trial is paying me the minimum wage or that I spend too much on groceries every week. They are all fairly trivial in the grand scheme of things, because I have a job and money for food and a lovely little house and more than enough clothes and delightful friends. Which is mooooore than enough, really.

The Boss.

I regret many things about my relationship with Jaxon, but the main one is that I let him talk me into getting rid of my Born in the USA shirt.

 

I don’t care how many times I have to say it, true happiness is driving around with the windows down in the sunlight playing Born to Run at full volume. Don’t even talk to me about Born to Run and Born in the USA being different albums, thats not the point.

As an aside, I got an HD on the whiteness essay I was stressing about, so thats great; work is really (surprisingly) excellent at the moment, and I might be getting another kitchen staff job, which excites me because its been long enough that I have rose-tinted all memories of being an apprentice chef.

GUYS. I WAS AN APPRENTICE CHEF. That is another post for another day, along with me being a champion sports star.

Happy Monday!

Here are some cute babies in costumes.

 

GTTW: Things

Sooooooooooo on Friday I made Malai Kofta which was good but not as good as the one from 2 Fat Indians and probably not worth the 2 hours I spent making it. Had a boss sleep in, annihilated my uni work on Saturday and had a nice lazy day yesterday finishing s1 of Mad Men (TOTALLY CALLED THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT HALFWAY THROUGH). Then my Underlying Sad that I’ve had for like six weeks was all HEY BRO HOW ABOUT YOU CRY NOW FOR NO REASON and I did and it was embarrassing and I did not enjoy it and I never want to leave the house again but I did because I had uni today. And I slept in until 7 then drove to uni which meant I had enough time to make a cup of tea so that was a nice improvement this morning.

And now I can’t stop laughing at this.

I Like People.

You know what? I am/was in a terrible, hating people mood. And then I whined to Lois and she was lovely and supportive and then I realised what I was whining about, gave Nicola the edited version, and she made me feel better and like less of a dirty C-bomb.

WHYYYYY, LIFE. This is a representation of how I felt all morning. Well, until 8:30 I didn’t feel like that because I was asleep. And its 11:30 and I am less rage-y. So by “all morning”, I mean “for three hours, excluding while I was reading Bossypants”.

“There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.”

I’m not an especially big fan of Conan O’Brien, but I like some of these quotes.

“When I got the call 2 months ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. So late last night, I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull, snorted some Adderall, played a few hours of Call of Duty, and then opened my browser.”

“I am going to give you real, practical advice that you will need to know if you are going to survive the next few years.

First, adult acne lasts longer than you think.  I almost cancelled 2 days ago because I had a zit on my eye.

Guys:  this is important — you cannot iron a shirt while wearing it

If you live on Ramen Noodles for too long, you lose all feeling in your hands and your stool becomes a white gel.

And finally, wearing colorful Converse high-tops beneath your graduation robe is a great way to tell your classmates that this is just the first of many horrible decisions you plan to make with your life.”

“In 2000, I told graduates “Don’t be afraid to fail.”  Well now I’m here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.   Nietzsche famously said “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  But what he failed to stress is that IT ALMOST KILLS YOU.  Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting.  What Nietzsche should have said is  “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.” ”

” In 2000, I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that.  But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come.  The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”

SUCCESS

I AM THE PRESENTS QUEEN.

-Nicola