Strained

I had a pretty major break down yesterday. I’m not sure what brought it on, but when I left panto on Friday I cried the whole way home and then only barely dragged myself out of bed for work the next morning. Then I used my break to cry in the toilets for fifteen minutes and then cried all the way to panto and sat in my car for about fifteen minutes shaking and sobbing. I only just managed to keep it together when I came up to the dressing room and people were hugging me hello.

I know this is supposed to be the happy blog but I am a mess. I am not going to go to work today, because I really think that will be detrimental to my health.

I am going to sleep now because I am crying again and I don’t know why. I’m sorry for this post, I had to get this out of my head somehow.

~ Lois

GTTW: From the bed of me

So I’m sick as a dog, which is just great. Lois and I got sick at the same time, but I think we have different things so I can’t blame her dammit. I have some kind of glandular fever style virus going down and it is utter balls. Feeling a little better today, my swollen glands have localised to just the one side of my throat, so we’re making progress. Having a fever for three days is reminding me how much I despise summer. I am dreading it like it’s nobody’s business, ugh.

I’m super bummed that I missed a Halloween party on Saturday night, I was really looking forward to it. I was inspired by the theme ‘too soon’ and had an Amy Winehouse costume all ready to go, but instead I spent the night ripping my clothes off in a feverish rage, and then crawling back under the covers two seconds later. And repeat. I hear it was a wonderful night though; Jesus was apparently sodomising the gays, as he is wont to do as per the bible, right?

I did manage to properly enjoy at least one day of the long weekend. Friday I was up bright and early for a surprise party we threw my Pop for his 80th. We took the scenic route to Mosman Park via Fremantle, completely on purpose, because I love driving on hot mornings when my aircon is broken. It was an unorthadox lead up to the big reveal, considering he’s deaf, so we’re all yelling OKAY EVERYONE HE’S RIGHT OUTSIDE and giggling when people were automatically shushing each other. Pop had the best surprised face ever and we all spent the next few hours feasting like kings and facepalming over our less-than-bright cousins.

Then it was time for the Macri Party Cab to escort us to Joe’s Tim Burton themed 21st, which was a blast. I thought it was a good idea at the time to cover my entire face in green eyeshadow, but on hindsight maaaaybe not so much. There was much dancing, cheese eating, gazebo adventures, inappropriate conversations and making fun of all the girls who came as sexy versions of so-and-so. Joe awarded Ash, Nicola and my Lock, Shock and Barrel costumes first prize and in celebration we turned in early because we’re old women.

Sexiest mofos around tbh.

I have to work tomorrow so I’m dedicating this evening to trying not to feel like hell. But we’re thinking positive, and these last couple of days I have definitely gotten a lot of use out of our giant TV and my latest blu-rays packed with special features. I had a Thor weekend and today was X-Men: First Class. Misfits came back today, which I’m super excited to watch, and I’ve also been marathoning old Johnny Weir programs and interviews and feeling nostalgic.

GTT: Getting shit done

I’m so sick it’s not even funny. Mum reckons it’s a cold. She is most definitely wrong.

BUT I turned in work which was due last year today. I had an open extension because of my tumour diagnosis and everything falling to shit but I really left it too long.

So that feels good.

Glee comes back on Wednesday. That feels even better, even though it means I won’t be able to talk to most people about it for fear of being ridiculed.

~ Lois

Three words

Fever.

Also, Loki.

GTTAY: Bracing Myself

Soooo I’m working 5 days a week, 2 weeks in a row, with 4 rehearsals a week and full on weekends, FOLLOWED BY PRODUCTION WEEK AND THEN THREE SHOWS.

WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP.

I am concerned by this. Trying not to panic. Will not get sick. Will not get sick. Normal people do this all the time, right? It’s gonna be fine, stop worrying. I can sleep when I’m dead. Or right now, on my keyboard. Seriously I could use a nap. I am devouring this milkybar because I’m an anxious eater. THIS IS NOT A GOOD PLAN.

Deep breaths.

In good news, rehearsals are coming along nicely, we’re getting to the business end of panto and SHIT’S GETTING REAL. I ordered 15 boxes of cadbury fundraising chocolate for Relay for Life which they’re delivering to ~my workplace~, and that makes me feel fancy and important. Must not keep any freddos at arm’s reach or so help me dead god.

BLERG

It’s cold and I have a cold.

To New Beginnings

So you’ve stumbled across my blog and you’re wondering what it’s about. Hi, I’m Lois and I’ll be spending a year trying to figure out how to feel better about myself and my life.

I’m a twenty-one year old Australian currently studying a Bachelor of Music Education. I live with my parents and throw myself into a bunch of hobbies, mainly acting and working behind the scenes for a theatre society at the university I attend.

It may seem quite indulgent to write a blog about the ways in which I’m learning to be okay with love myself. Maybe it is, but I think it’s something I need to do. I’ve set it as a year-long project because I know these things take time and I want to give myself the best possible shot.

My reasons for taking on this project are these;

– I have never had good self-esteem and I want to change this about myself. Everyone deserves to feel good about the person they are and I think it’s good to have a place to focus your thoughts.

– In June of last year I was diagnosed with a pituitary adinoma, which is a benign brain tumour. Since then I’ve been constantly sick from the medication I have to take and have had other health complications stemming from the initial problem. I’ve developed depression because I’ve struggled to cope with the enormity of what’s happened in my life and sometimes I feel like there’s nothing good happening for me. I need to remind myself of the good in my life.

– I ended a long-term relationship in November of last year and since then I have not coped well with being single. As cheesy as it is, I think I need to love myself before I can love someone else or let them love me.

I am going to post every day for a year about things which have made me happy that day, or should have made me happy or which could be considered an achievement, however small. I’ll post links to things I think are funny, photos of my friends which make me smile (with their permission of course!) and any little anecdotes I want to share with the world. It will be a jumble of things but it will be happy. I may even attempt to be humorous, so watch out for that!

~ Lois